September 2019
We were mourning over my mother’s passing. Friends and family came to visit. It was Tita Ming, one of my mother’s younger sisters, came from Manila.
She wore this black shirt, jeans and white shoes and sporting her bangs. We laughed about it because she did it herself. In between tears, she laughed along with us.
I remember she only spent a few hours home to sleep and always came back for us and joined us in mourning. She was our usual Tita Ming, the overly emotional and beyond caring Tita.
We talked mostly about anything. Her kids, Darah and Joelle. Whom she always refer to as her greatest achievement. Darah, being her daddy’s girl, Tita Ming always held Joelle closer to her heart. I told her I know the feeling because that was the case between Manang Faith and me. Parents, no matter how much they try not to, can’t help but to pick favorites.
A few days before Nanay’s funeral, we were lucky to spend some time with a couple of my friends – Manelee and Michael, who was already my boyfriend at that time (but as usual, things were complicated). So the four of us, Tita Ming included, went out of the mortuary and had some halohalo (crushed ice dessert) at Mang Inasal, Citymall, Victorias City.
Michael took charge of our orders and the three of us were alone at the table and we discussed things – love, relationships. But I was sure it all revolved into my “poor choice” in men. Tita Ming was so happy I found a man who seemed reliable and smart. I was adamant to agree but I chose to keep silent because a part of me wished those were true.
Midway through our dessert, she opened up about the lump on her breast. And I encouraged it to have it checked. She said she had already scheduled for a doctor and will see him when she returns to Manila. I assured her it won’t be that bad. That God wouldn’t allow such grim moments in our family anymore.
Fast forward to the night before the funeral, she passed by me while I was busy meeting people who came to pay their last respects to Nanay. She held my hand and ushered me away from the crowd. I can vividly recall her face, tears streaming down her cheeks, as she hugged me and wished that I meet a man who will love me unconditionally and me alone. I thought Tita Carms must have told her about the problems I was having with Michael. And I hugged her, thanked her and assured her that I will not settle for a man who treats me less than I deserve.
That was the last I recall of her.
Of course, after the funeral, we must have said our goodbyes. But I never thought it would be the last time I’d be able to talk to her.
December 2019
We came to know of the diagnosis and it was indeed Cancer and that she would undergo treatments.
My first thoughts were of Darah and Joelle because I was a witness to how my siblings grew up battling Cancer along with Nanay and it wasn’t a pleasant experience.
I was thankful that she was loved until the last days of her life.
I was sorry I wasn’t able to be with her during those difficult times.
I was more sorry I am still unable to keep my promise of settling for less. That the man we both wished for me to meet is still nowhere in sight.
September 2020
In the midst of the pandemic, we bade goodbye to our Tita Ming. But we celebrate her eternal life in Heaven where Cancer can longer reach them.
September 2021
It’s been a year since she was gone and I still feel we could have bonded more. There were still a lot of stories left unshared. There could have been a lot of funny memories that could have taken place.
But worldy death is incomparable to the celebration of spending eternity healthy and in the company of good friends.
I hope Tita Ming is smiling in peace. With Nanay and Mama Vic.
I hope I can make amends and make up for the lost time with Tita Ming by spending lots of prodding and pangingialam to my beautiful pseudo-sisters Darah and Joelle.
Death has a funny way of starting anything. Nobody really dies. In truth, they continue to live within our hearts and our minds. Until we meet again, Tita Ming.
Katherine Herza Cobing 